Progeny ofeth a Prostitute (Translation: Son of a Whore)

Right. Before we begin, this is Gleeman. Since you dumbasses can't seem to read English with an "ith" at the end of everything, I decided to be nice and translate everything for you. I promise I will use small sentences.
WOE to the poorith RIPPERNATOR. He hadth beenith DEFEATEDITHIMICATED BY THATETH HARLOT. THATITH BAKER STREET BITCHETH. Our TARGETETHS wereith to beith SIMPLEITH. But herith TREASONITHIFICATION delayedith us for WEEKSITH. The FOOL waseth WAITINGITH FORETH SIR JACK. She DEFENDEDITH the TARGETSITH. DEFENDEDITH!!!! FORSOOTH SIR JACK ATTACKEDITH her and droveith her offeth a roofith. ALAS, poor Sir Jack was thenith attackedith from behindith by the runnersith... The BITCHETH gaveth them ORDERSITH TO LOCKETH ME UPETH!!!!
Jack failed to kill his target before the Baker Street Bitch did. Gnat (Whatever the fuck her name is) seems to have pretended to be Runner and helped the Targets fight off Jack. A clever move, I admit. Jack must have hurt her (Gnat) bad though, as the targets weren't confirmed dead until days after.
SOON, SIR JACK WILLETH HAVETH HIS REVENIFICATION ON THEE, THOU WHOREITH OF BAKER STREET. I WILL DECORATEITH MY ROOMETH WITH THE BONESITH I SHALLETH PLUCKETH OUT OF YOUR EVISCERATEDICATED BODYETH. FORSOOTH THOU SHALT BE SENTITH TO THE VOIDITH WITH THE REST OF THE WHORESITH AND TRASHITH OF THE WORLDITH, AND JACK SHALL SIT ABOVEITH IN PARADISEITH AND LAUGHETH! LAUGHETH ATETH YOURETH ETERNALITH SUFFERATION!
Jack likes Gnat a lot.
Masterith Morningstar, I beseech thee. Forgiveith Sir Jack's mosteth grievousith errorimication. Jack shalleth doith betterith nextith timeith.
Jack will do better next time Morgan. Let it GO. I know what you are gonna do, and it won't help us. You think it will. But it WON'T. Listen to me on this one. We will do better next time. But we can't do that if we are DEAD. So, calm down so we can come back to our apartments without fear of DYING.