El Nueva Morningstar is a gift from el Angel, sent to us in our hour of need. A true believer, no less. As much as I loved our former boss, he was never quite content in His service. This was of course his death.
El Nueva Morningstar says we're supposed to put up reports on our jobs, so I will do as instructed with this first one he has given me.
Maria Villanueva was a runner, around 19 years old. Her little brother was taken by El Angel, she saw, could not cope, went on the run. Some people cannot understand the divine works in strange ways.
She was weak, scared. Very religious in her fear. She took shelter in convents as she ran, hoping her faith would protect her. She didn't understand that she was running from God.
So I put myself in a convent, disguised as a nun. I knew el Angel would forgive me my blasphemy in his service, and as I follow their codes I saw no problems.
It went well. The girl came in around the time I had guessed, and it was very easy to be the one to help her. They were not very godly, the Sisters. Too busy to deal with a lone runaway. So I took her and showed her where she could bathe and got her a decent meal, got her to talk to me about her troubles.
And then when she admitted she was being chased by el Angel, I gave her a chance to repent. To confess her sins and repent to God. She reacted in fear and tried to run away. I sacrificed her to el Angel for her sins.
Yeah, what about the sin of murder? Thought about that one lately?
ReplyDeleteWhen God tells you to do something, you do it. That is no sin.
ReplyDeleteDidn't your God give us the freedom to choose our own actions? That's how I remember it.
ReplyDeleteHere I am, arguing with a crazy person. I really must be tired.
WHAT THE FUCK WOMAN. YOU LEFT A GODDAMN MESS IN MY APARTMENT. DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING CLUE HOW HARD IT IS TO GET BLOOD STAINS OUT OF A CARPET? Well neither do I, but we are about to find out... Just... Goddammit USE A MOP next time. Jesus.
ReplyDeleteGood work, Recluse. Father is pleased with your success, as is our dear leader Morningstar, I am sure.
ReplyDelete-TIGER
Senor Gleeman, my apologies. I will be back in a moment to clean up my mess.
ReplyDeleteMayhaps thou shouldst noteth have broughith attentionith to thine apartmentith. Sir Morningstar feelsith thateth thiseth makeths our jobseth more difficulthith.
ReplyDeleteWELL DONETH FAIR MAIDENETH. THINE KILL WASETH A SPLENDID DISPLAYETH OF VIOLENCETH. Aye declareth a CELEBRIMATIONITH in honoreth of sucheth a fine killimation.
Jack, I barely understand real English. Speak more clearly por favor?
ReplyDeleteShuteth Upeth Jack. You are only calling more attention to that fact you moron.
ReplyDeleteWell done Recluse, though I must ask that you give a few more details on the sacrifice. That is, after all, the reason this blog exists. To show the heretics what fate is in store for them. Every gory detail.
Precise Execution of Function, imprecise Understanding of Purpose. Unfortunate.
ReplyDeleteYes, Senor Nueva Morningstar. I will do as you say.
ReplyDeleteOh, you're all so amusing!
ReplyDeleteNot.
Oh MY. It must have taken you all DAY to come up with that one. I mean... Wow. I am in awe of your eloquent insult. My confidence in my clownhood is SHAAAAAKEN. I may just go become a Mime now, being so humbled by your masterful verbal onslaught.
ReplyDeleteOr I could just reply in a manner befitting such a weak comment: Your Mom.
...What does his madre have to do with anything?
ReplyDelete...No wonder Luke never let you guys post.
ReplyDelete...I simply MUST make time to meet the lot of you.
ReplyDeleteAll of you. Are brilliant. Never change. No matter what CHARMING remarks your boss comes up with.
Gracias, Senor Nightscream.
ReplyDelete