Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Rip & Tear

Beautifulith Women roamingation the streetseth at nighteth are suchith WONDERFULITH victimseth. Theyeth surelyith cannotith believeith themselvesith safeith from all harmification, beingith defendeded only by the veilith of nightith. Littleith do theyith suspectith the handsomeith, wellith dressed individualith who approacheths themith with a smileith is in factith the Greatith SIR JACK THE RIPPER.
So THEREITH aye wasith... Stalkingith a prettyith golden haireded maidenith through the streetsith, until she stoppedth in frontith ofith a TASTELESSLYITH decomorrated motelith. I followed herith in... Slowlyith... CREEPINGITH... And she hadth enteredith a roomith. Room 124. Aye waitedeth a fewith minutesith beforeith knockingith on the doorith. Butith there was NO REPLY. DOST THOU KNOWETH HOW MUCH THAT PISSES ME OFF???
VERILY I SMASHEDITH DOWNITH THE ACCURSEDITH DOOR AND BEHELD A COUPLETH ENGAGEDITH IN FORINIFICATIONITH. WITHETH MINE BLADETH GLISTENINGITH IN THE MOONLIGHTEITHIFICATION I CHARGEDETH THE DUO. Secondseth latereth, there waseth a young lad laying, moaningeth on the floor, his genitalsith severedith and foreverith lodgedededed in the lasteth placeth they were... Placedeth. As for the faireth maidenith... I carvedith her chestith open, positionedith her bodyith in a beautifulith poseith. Frozenith forith eternityith. In the poseith, I choseith for her... Foreverith youngith, foreverith beautifulith.
SIR MORNINGSTAR, THIS BLOGGINGITH THINGITH IS MOSTITH AMUSINGITH. I shalt not hesitateith to posteth more of my fantastical murderesith onlineith for alleth to see and ENVY SIR JACK THE RIPPER!!!
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15 comments:

  1. JosephNovember 8, 2011 at 4:02 PM

    ... oh dear sweet god in heaven.
    This is a crime to humanity.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousNovember 8, 2011 at 4:04 PM

    None of the letters you just put in sequence made any words. Please try harder next time, for all our sake's.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousNovember 8, 2011 at 4:08 PM

    ...that's not how English works.

    That's not how ANYTHING works...

    ReplyDelete
  4. GleemanNovember 8, 2011 at 4:14 PM

    *Ahem*
    Translation: Jack stalked a Blonde chick and attacked when she was having sex with some guy. Jack castrated the guy and killed the chick. The End. GET. USED. TO THIS.
    And... Well done and shit Jack.

    ReplyDelete
  5. RidleyNovember 8, 2011 at 5:09 PM

    Verily, my Comrades, I say unto thee that Sir Jack the Ripper speaketh in a manner not dissimilar of any fine Gentleman from ye olde England during the reign of Her Blessed Majesty Queen Elizabeth. The first, that is. Much confounded I was by this horrific and anachronistic display, for the good Sir known colloquially as "Jack the Ripper" did operate in the Year of Our Lord eighteen-hundred and eighty-eight, wherein gentlefolks did not, as Sir Jack so assumes, speak in such manner as here displayed.

    Plus, that's really fucking annoying to read. Does he talk like this in person? I kinda want to go down there and kick his ass now.

    And people think I'm nuts.

    Stay frosty, motherfuckers.

    ReplyDelete
  6. RidleyNovember 8, 2011 at 5:13 PM

    Oh, also:
    The Juwes are the men that will not be blamed for nothing.

    http://photos.casebook.org/albums/v_5/normal_MJK2.jpg

    Have a wonderful evening, mah peeps.

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousNovember 8, 2011 at 5:44 PM

    Please, oh please for the love of god, stop adding "eth" to the end of every goddamn word. The Victorian English used fancy words, but their syntax wasn't much different from ours. You sound like you have a lisp.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Brown RecluseNovember 8, 2011 at 5:51 PM

    Thank you, Senor Gleeman, as I have mentioned, it is very hard to understand his words.

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousNovember 8, 2011 at 6:55 PM

    Hey, Morningstar 2.0, you wanna make sure this guy never posts again? Like, ever?

    ReplyDelete
  10. RaggedymanNovember 8, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    Nobody likes a @#!*% -blocker Jack.

    ReplyDelete
  11. MorningstarNovember 9, 2011 at 4:01 AM

    @Ridley: Yes, he talks just like this. Sometimes. Other times he forgets and talks with fake British accent.
    @Anonymous: Why would I do that.
    @Jack: Well done with your kill. Though it was a bit sloppy. We have to maintain standards of professionalism here. Otherwise we become just like those idiots led by that lazy cafeteria worker. Joseph I think his "name" is.

    ReplyDelete
  12. SpencerNovember 9, 2011 at 5:53 AM

    Oh, so this is where the new bastard showed up?
    Lovely.
    Not only a jerkass but an absolute bore.

    ReplyDelete
  13. FreedomCagedNovember 9, 2011 at 1:39 PM

    Okay, I don't care a whole lot about posting quality, but that was just Insufferable (note the capital 'i'). Seriously, that doesn't even make you look remotly clever, even old English didn't look like that.

    See you around
    -Cage

    ReplyDelete
  14. The Urban NinjaNovember 9, 2011 at 4:42 PM

    This was indeed "MOSTITH AMUSINGITH."

    It also hurt my brain.

    I don't care that you are all sadistic murderers. As long as I never have to read the "word" "MOONLIGHTEITHIFICATION" ever again, I can die a happy man.

    For the love of god, Morningstar, surely even you have your limits on torture. This should be one of them.

    Oh, yeah, almost forget. "OH YOULL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS OLD MORNINGSTAR I WILL END YOU PROXY SCUM BLAH BLAH BLAH."

    There, I think that should cover the neccessary Runner speech.

    ReplyDelete
  15. The GentlemenNovember 9, 2011 at 6:39 PM

    Hey Jackjackjackjackjackjackjackjackjackjackjack, where did she go? Is she outward?

    Me

    ReplyDelete

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